She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
