I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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