Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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