I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
