Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
