singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
