Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
