Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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