she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
