thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
