After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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