The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
