chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
