I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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