Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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