Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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