I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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