I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
