youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just cut my nipple shaving
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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