FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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