and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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