You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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