90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
