I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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