He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
