just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
