Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
