well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
