So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she looked like the before picture.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
false alarm, still single
Randomize
