It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
