he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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