Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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