And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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