Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
