Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
