guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
