Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
