I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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