Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
