Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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