I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
