you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
