Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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