I just cut my nipple shaving
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
