do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
