and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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