You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You are the jesus of drinking
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
