Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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