careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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