O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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