OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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