my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
