I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
