Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
