5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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