Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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