I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
