My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
