had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
