Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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