Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize