And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This is the high leading the old right now
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
