She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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