He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Someone signed my nipple.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
