I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
