I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
