I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
