life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
