I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
