she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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