All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
