guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
