Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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