so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
