In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
