Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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