It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
