I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
