I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
two words: eviction party
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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